::my rants::

Jejak kasihan

2012-01-30T19:24:00.000+08:00

Sekian lama tak berjumpa dengan jiah, sekali jumpa terus berlaku sebabak jejak kasih di tengah jalan.

Dan berlarutan ke old town sambil bergosip-gosipan.

nom nom

2012-01-29T18:42:00.000+08:00

Simply because I love to eat.

Delightful

2012-01-29T18:36:00.000+08:00

All delightful creatures are married.

Or maybe they are delightful because they are blisfully happy with their marriage.

Aint that nice?

Can I be delightful even if I'm not married?

edfc vs remaja bangi

2012-01-28T22:35:00.001+08:00

We won 3-1!
Aku sampai agak lambat sikit tadi sebab hujan kat seri putra.tapi kat bangi renyai saja rupanya. Sampai je tadi game dah start tak tau berapa lama- tapi apparently baru satu half saja. Dah berapa goal pun aku tak tau.

This pic was snapped unintentionally, but it turned out to be my best shot. Cantik woh flying header satu!

Randoms

2012-01-17T10:52:00.000+08:00

"@LoveQuotes: Sometimes the two people most meant for each other, are the last two to realize it."
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presenting the princess

2012-01-12T13:19:00.001+08:00

Inilah dia anak perempuan fad! D1 of life, pipi merah baru lepas minum susu.

doodah

2012-01-11T13:42:00.001+08:00

I dreamt tentang dia malam tadi.

when will this stop? it has got to stop!

LoveQuotes Love Quotes

The only 3 things a guy should wanna change about his girl is her last name, her address and her viewpoint on men.

aku me-random

2012-01-11T01:30:00.000+08:00

@lovequotes You have no idea how much I like you, how much you make me smile, how much i love talking to you, or how much I wish you were mine.

have you ever felt a sense of belonging? it is the best feeling.

and relationships, whatever it may be, adalah benda yang strange. it just developed without you noticing it until one day you realized that- eh, sejak bila kita jadi baik macam ni?

it just happened. and you never can reason why.

fad just delivered an adorable baby girl yesterday, 3.1kg. yay adam firas dah ada adik perempuan! tentatively the name is going to be zara aishah. i saw her in labour room yesterday, siap tolong masukkan branula lagi (okay nasib baik masuk). hari ni pegi tengok baby sekali dengan qilah and dila. comel sangat kooot.

interesting thing-- both are commenting on my limping, and masuk pulak topik broga. masing- masing kata pergi tak ajak diorang. ish, aku dah terfikir, tapi tak tertanya je sbb malam tu memang sakit kepala aku tido je. then dila kata , "tu lah aku ada dengar- dengar jugak, fab bawak 3 perempuan. tapi aku fikir entah- entah aima kooot..."

oooookaaaaay adakah itu maknanya aku tak termasuk dalam kategori perempuan?

and as i was telling shahrul- "sejak aku berkawan dengan korang ni, dunia aku terbuka luas." i'm learning about life--from others. things that you never thought you would hear. ataupun benda yang kau tahu wujud, tapi tak ada kena mengena dengan kau atau orang- orang yang rapat dengan kau-- at least not until now.

it's kinda like--- kau tau ada parents yang dah divorce, kau tahu benda tu jadi kat keliling, tapi kau tak terasa tempiasnya sampai ada kawan baik kau punya parents divorce atau parents kau sendiri yang divorce. and then, your perspective will be a little bit different.

okay randomness kicks in.

Encik Roma

2012-01-08T10:51:00.002+08:00

amy teringin nak makan sedap.

laki nurul outstation.

and so we ended up in Tony Roma's kat MidV. it was my first time there seumur hidup koot. and macam biasa aku tak reti sangat pun makanan-makanan barat ni. tapi makan je lah, not bad pun foodsnya.

while we were heading there, terserempak dengan bront palarae. actually tak perasan pun memula. tengah sibuk berborak- borak lepas tu terpandang depan, lepas tu dalam kepala fikir "eh macam familiar je mamat kat depan ni." berselisih macam tu je, so memang nampak sepintas lalu sahaja.

then i was like "omg bront palarae!"

and amy like " i know!"

and nurul was like "who?"

(not because she didn't know who it was, tapi sebab dia tak perasan)

and we had lotsa fun gossiping!

shoh!

2012-01-04T22:44:00.000+08:00

mungkin kerana PMS, but i miss you. everything around me reminds me of you.

go away. it's been 6 months. it should not have been this way.

you should be out of my system by now... i mean by several months ago in fact.

my rules are not obeying me any more.

2012-01-02T00:47:00.000+08:00

it could have been me.

how i missed so many things just because i was afraid of missing them.

tapi...

have faith in Him. He protected me all these while despite me being the worst slave ever.

it could have been me.

okay. stop.

return of sherlock holmes

2011-12-30T07:12:00.000+08:00

that was the book title after sherlock was thought dead after falling off a cliff with moriarty. conan doyle tried to kill off his character after a long time, just have to resurrect him because of public demand.

oh yeah, i read the books.

went to watch sherlock with a friend last night (tapi macam tengok seorang jugak sebab terpisah oleh lorong tengah, but anyhow!). well, characters' portrayal in the movie was not as the original ones but that was fine, the essential traits were there.

and more importantly, the movie was truly, truly enjoyable. much better than MI:4. ahaks.

walaupun separuh dari masa tu aku tak dapat nak fokus sebab sebelah kasut kena sepak masuk dalam masa orang sebuk nak masuk ke tengah. tu lah tanggal lagi kasut masa tengok movie.

2011-12-29T06:33:00.000+08:00

Broken and distorted and not really a human.
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tak sehat lagi

2011-12-27T13:29:00.001+08:00

i'm unwell.

AGAIN.

just when i am enjoying the 2 weeks bliss of relative wellness.

tu la tak minum air lepas makan durian.

5 months and counting

2011-12-20T13:47:00.000+08:00

it has been 5 months.

and i still experienced the time- stood still moments whenever there were things that reminded me of him. and the worst part was, i felt content.

cheh. not good at all. maybe i'll end up being a spinster.

oh, semalam pergi menonton MI4: Ghost Protocol begitu digembar gemburkan bersama shol dan fab. oh well, okey la. boleh tahan la cerita dia. aku tak de la teruja macam tengok 3 musketeers ke apa kan. dan dalam banyak- banyak scenes, the one i loved most was the last part, bila hunt and his so-called dead wife looking at each other from a distance.

one look explains it all.

now that is the kind of look i would want to exchange with a somebody. (if i am ever going to get a somebody).

oh, and over dinner yesterday, .... oh well nevermind.

Heh heh

2011-12-17T18:02:00.000+08:00

Few moments there and my spirit lifted :)
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entry konon merajuk

2011-12-13T21:13:00.001+08:00

dah ko asyik busy je kan. terpaksa la aku carik kawan baru buat teman meronggeng/ makan.

isk.

timing

2011-12-13T21:09:00.000+08:00

thankfully you guys were there when i was there. it made my time there very much enjoyable.

my source of never-ending fun. and hopefully lasting friendship.

:)

Like a dream

2011-12-13T00:28:00.000+08:00

Weekends sejak dua menjak ni memang semacam mimpi. Sebab lebih separuh masa dihabiskan dengan tidur sahaja.

Tu pun belum boleh baik sepenuhnya lagi.

Aiseh.

Kali ni memang surrender dengan antibiotik.
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larut

2011-12-08T07:10:00.001+08:00

ke-tidak sihatan aku berlarutan sampai 2 minggu lebih. apakah?

Aima, kalau kau ada siapa- siapa nanti, pandai-pandaila ko jaga diri ye

ish. tak sangka hang suwit macam tu.

Miuw

2011-12-06T12:18:00.000+08:00

Kadang rasa macam jahat gelakkan orang kalah bola.

Tapi sumpah tak ada makna sebab aku bukan layan bola pun. So my thougts does not really counts.

Miu.
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bocor rahsia

2011-12-06T00:39:00.003+08:00

sekarang korang tau dah kenapa korang selalu nampak muka aku kat resus kan?

ha ha ha.

semangat hilang

2011-11-29T08:45:00.000+08:00

hari ni semangat berkecai.

demam tak teruk sangat tapi mentally broken.

maybe i should have just rested that sunday.

tapi masa tu semangat masih kuat walaupun hanya tidur 2 jam aja. pastu bekerja keras sampai malam. isnin cover ward tu pun macam masih bertahan lagi.

tapi bangun pagi ni memang tak boleh dah.

N.I.C.E

2011-11-27T22:36:00.001+08:00

i met a nice guy.

nice smile that reaches the eye.

nice hair.

nice eyes.

nice sense of humour.

all about him spelled as nice.

sekian.

Kalau nak minat, minat kat saya. Free je saya kasi autograph.

aktiviti hujung minggu

2011-11-20T15:22:00.001+08:00

sebab biasa prefer duduk atas je daripada balik rumah adalah

1. boleh bangun lambat

2. nanti asyik rasa nak balik rumah.

jumaat hari tu balik lah juga akhirnya setelah berbelas hari berkampung kat bilik tingkat 11 yang creepy ini. singgah rumah abang amir sebab sambut b'day mija yang ke 5! namun standardlah post call. balik- balik kepala sentuh bantal pastu eh eh eh dah pagi.

pagi tu hantar kakak tira pergi muet, lepas tu membazir masa tengok movie2 yang ada dalam laptop kembar. (actually niat di hati nak tgk da vinci code sebab nak tengok seth grabel. tapi tak kesampaian pulak.)

petang tu jalan- jalan di mines with mama and sisters. pergi dua kereta sebab aku nak balik terus hospital lepas tu. mama cracked samsung tab dia siap beli casing lagi terus. budak- budak ni pulak dok memborong accessory BB.

dalam sejam kat the mines, aku gerak dulu daripada yang lain, singgah uniten sekejap minum dengan siva, pidot, epul n shol. sejam lepak sambil bergosip (eventhough diorang bergosip benda yang aku tatau cis) dan tengok bola, aku pun gerak balik spital, with the usual dread feeling whenever i have to be oncall on the next day.

eat pray love

2011-11-20T14:56:00.000+08:00

A: I love you.

B: then love me.

A: I miss you.

B: then miss me. Send me love and light everytime you think of me, then drop it.

ngeh ngeh

2011-11-20T07:18:00.002+08:00

kalau orang nampak ko keluar dengan kitorang mesti diorang ingat kita student lagi. padahal dah bapak- bapak orang semuanya.

maseh. aku tau aku nampak muda. hins.

:)

2011-11-18T17:34:00.000+08:00

officially addicted to lincoln lee.

sekian terima kasih.

i so love lincoln lee

2011-11-16T20:15:00.000+08:00

any fool could see he's in love with her.

he is the coolest. even in his half burnt form.

it's just so stupid

2011-11-13T16:22:00.000+08:00

Sekarang ni memang trend taruk gambar beromen- romen di tempat public ke?

aku rasa macam nak tampar je siapa yang duk letak gamba macam tu kat facebook. tak kira lah tuannya ke, tak ke.

sekarang aku dah bengang for no reason, and it made me hungry.

re-visit the past

2011-11-12T19:46:00.000+08:00

Guess who i met at Istana Budaya last night?

sedang aku berlegar- legar seorang di lobi IB ( sebab tengah resah ank ambil tiket tapi macam tak cukup duit kan), tiba- tiba ada orang panggil nama aku.

pandang ke kiri, and there he was! my idol!

dah la pakai purple kaaaan

it was not until then i realised that i was missing this friend/ cousin of mine very much. it was so overwhelming i could not utter a word. rasanya kalau dia perempuan sungguh aku dah peluk. it was the longest period we haven't seen each other. kali terakhir jumpa masa wedding prop in july. yeah, actually not that long ago, tapi sebab biasanya kitorang2 yang di lembah klang ni akan berjumpa2 setiap kali lepas habis satu posting. maka memang terasa agak lama.

by the way we watched Badai Semalam.

Aku rasa ookkaaaay laaa. Mungkin 1st performance, mungkin kerana agak berat mesejnya. tapi it was okay. performances lepas ni mesti akan lagi mantooop.

adakah anda nampak lesung pipitnya?

tanda- tanda alam semesta

2011-11-12T06:14:00.000+08:00

maybe it's nonsense.

but sometimes universe does give signs... that most of us usually choose to ignore. maybe it's not as clear as a signboard, but surely it's there. in every possible way.

mungkin sebab aku terpegaruh dengan cerita paulo coelho. tapi itulah....

Tuhan itu selalu memudahkan. tapi kadang- kadang we chose untuk ambil yang susah. atau kadang- kadang kita tak sedar.

ok fine.

bila aku terima invitation wedding itu, naturally i wanted to go. other because of the OBVIOUS fact, we did develop some kind of friendship-ish along the way. at the same time, ada invitation daripada seorang algi kawan, tapi dalam area kl ni je lah.

walaupun memang sangat- sangat nak pergi, tapi tak adalah aku nak main redah sendiri je kan. so aku macam pasrah je la - ok pergi wedding kl je. sekali last week terima sms daripada member ajak pegi tidur sana semalam. ok i was excited by the idea, dah lama kot tak berjalan jauh. tapi masalahnya lau dah habis rotation general paeds by that weekend, and that means i'm the only houseman, and it wasn't fair kan nak mintak dia coverkan dua-dua hari semata- mata aku nak pergi berjimba. aku terpikir nak pergi sendiri lepas cover ward dan balik sendiri hari tu jugak. tapi it seemed a bit of a stretch. i mean, ko tak boleh nak agak ward cover sampai pukul berapa koooot. kalau awal, all is fine. tapi kalau lambat kan dah tertunggang terbalik kalau nak travel seorang dengan tak tau jalan-nya lagi.

so decided lah dengan hati yang agak....berat. takyah lah pergi yang jauh tu, pasrah je la.

then our team received another houseman. dan syazana dengan baiknya kata dia boleh cover untuk weekend ni (tanpa diminta! aku sangat berterima kasih). dan geng- geng yang nak pergi pula kata tak jadi tidur sana, balik hari je.

tiba- tiba jalan terbuka luas. just one day before THE day.

kalau tak ambil peluang tu kan rasa macam tak betul sikit namanya. (iye lah walaupun konon buat resolusi will not attend the weddings yada yada yada)

because He knows i wanted to see the person.

A simple line can make you laugh, or cry.

2011-11-10T13:38:00.001+08:00

The kinda complete conversation;

Aima Hassan: Ko tau
Aima Hassan: I owe u a meal
Nurul: Eh?
Nurul: Iyer?
Aima Hassan: Ha ah
Aima Hassan: Sebab kasi aku masuk resus di suatu mlm itu
Aima Hassan: :)
Nurul: Ouh
Nurul: Haha
Nurul: Bile2 lah babe
Aima Hassan: Haha
Nurul: Ko blanja eskem pun aku happy jer
Nurul: He asked for u one day masa ko dh blah dr ED btw
Aima Hassan: Dia ty apa?
Aima Hassan: Btw I'm smiling lebar2
Nurul: Dier tny lama x npk ko, ko gi mana
Nurul: Masa tuh kt redbox
Nurul: Aku kata lah ko dh abis
Nurul: Dier tny ko gi dept mana
Nurul: Aku kata xtau lagi, ko tgh cuti
Nurul: Pastuh dier kata.. Ko friendly and rajin senyum/gelak
Nurul: Aku rs hati ko dh bunga2 dh skarang nih
Aima Hassan: Bole x aku rasa nk nangis

Dan lagu "pokok" berkumandang tiba- tiba.

Creepy-ish.

Still, tak nampak bayang.

Xkenang budi

2011-11-09T01:36:00.000+08:00

Tuhan selalu baik dengan saya, saya aja yang tak reti nak baik-baik dengan Tuhan.

How ungrateful.
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dilema

2011-11-07T22:51:00.002+08:00

Maybe i should stop attending weddings of the guys i used to like.

ok, decided.

Jodoh

2011-11-07T10:59:00.000+08:00

Mungkin aku tiada jodoh dengan love and all the good things that came with it.

Eh ayat pasrah betul la kan.

Whatever
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kenapa

2011-10-30T01:14:00.000+08:00

Tengah- tengah makan sambil tengok bola tadi, zul sebut tentang dia. (and he has no idea)

and suddenly my chest became tight.

it's been a while. i missed the shift. twice.

i want to see you :(

Haih

2011-10-29T22:15:00.001+08:00

Mcamana nak harap benda baik jadi kalau kita pun tak baik sangat?

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hati bunga- bunga

2011-10-29T16:01:00.000+08:00

HE ASKED ABOUT ME!!

I mean really, what more can I ask for?

Dan creepily, lagu yang tengah bermain di radio waktu itu adalah 'POKOK".

KISS - Because I'm A Girl HD with Eng Sub

2011-10-29T01:44:00.000+08:00

ini semua shahrul punya pasal.

kalau dia tak cakap pasal lagu because i'm a girl, aku takkan teringat pasal vclip tersebut.

Ia adalah begitu famous ketika aku kat india dulu. memang syahdu terbaik lah. okay fine, i cried tengok vclip ni.

"There is someone I love... Although I can't be with her now... I'm still in love with her..."

berusahalah lepas ni untuk memasukkan clip ini ke dalam ipod. sekian.

he said it

2011-10-29T01:20:00.003+08:00

it's an odd sense of satisfaction-- the sense of belonging. :)

.... please, let me be wrong.

please... can i see the person?

Bersama orang handsome

2011-10-27T23:12:00.001+08:00

future good looking young man

Apakah itu

2011-10-27T21:31:00.000+08:00

"Kau baru bersalin ke?"

Apa nak jawab?
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sampai hati

2011-10-26T00:08:00.001+08:00

2nd day of life in paeds. Surviving so far. no major incidents. still learning my way around.

masa dah nak pukul 5 tu jiah sms ajak tagging dengan dia di nicu sambil bergossip. although tak ada la dapat nak gossip banyak sangat pun, tapi ada lah daripada tak ada langsung kan. mula- mula tu macam malas je nak pergi sebab well, aku memang pemalas sejak azali, dan sebab before tu qilah dah ajak bergosip dulu kat bawah.

but then i ended up doing both. kan adil dan saksama tu.

bos langkah masuk dalam pantry dan perasan aku ada dalam tu.

B: Apa you buat kat sini?

A: Makan...?

B: You kat mana sekarang ni?

A: Err... paeds.

B: Dah tu pergi la makan kat paeds, yang makan kat sini buat apa?

*jaw dropped*

Mujur ada seorang MO/ reg yang back up aku.

L: Ala... masa I posting anesth dulu pun I makan kat sini jugak

Tapi nak jugak dia balas buat aku kecik ati sikit- sikit

B: Ye la, tapi dia bukan permanent staff kat sini pun.

SAMPAI HATI BOS!

Chillex

2011-10-24T07:36:00.000+08:00

Maybe it's wiser to take it easy.

Afraid of losing someone makes one paranoid and may lead to actually losing them.

Chill.

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sembang

2011-10-23T19:59:00.000+08:00

Three musketeers to pride and prejudice.

A: Best do 3 Musketeers. Yang bestnya sebab salah sorang hero dia yang berlakon jadi Mr Darcy dalam Pride and Prejudice.

Z: Oh ye? Yang Aishwarya Rai berlakon tu?

A: Bukanlah. Yang orang putih punya.

Z: Siapa berlakon?

A: Orang putih.

Z: Bodoh.

I liked ED more than I thought. Tak pernah- pernah aku balik hospital dalam keadaan rindu.

Eerie

2011-10-22T14:41:00.000+08:00

Its just downright creepy when you just thought of a person, and then suddenly the song you subconsciously associated him with came up.

Jeez.

Tiba-tiba lagu 'Pokok' berkumandang....
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sakit gigi? tadaaa

2011-10-21T15:50:00.000+08:00

that darned tooth dah dicabut akhirnya. kinda the end of my tooth problem, except that i hated dentist visits. tak rasa macam creepy ke the way the instruments masuk ke dalam mulut. i will sure hate visits to ent clinic kalau ada la in the future.

sakit siot cabut gigi!

SIgh

2011-10-20T21:30:00.000+08:00

Masa tengah seronok tak beringat.

Bila dah nak mula dan tahu ada habuannya baru mula nak cuak.

bagus- bagus.

berani buat berani-lah tanggung kan?

Hish, kaki tak reti simpan!

Hai orang baru

2011-10-19T15:51:00.000+08:00

Hari ini berjalan2 di midV bersama Ruly. Each posting mesti akan ada satu outing sama dia. Niat suci murni memang nak berjalan sahaja sambil bergosip. I arrived first sebab aku naik komuter (kerana malas nak drive). Maka berlegar- legar dahulu sementara menunggu ruly sampai.

Kalau ada pun niat yang terpesong, ia adalah hendak membeli buku Paulo Coelho je, which I did sebab dah termasuk MPH.

Yang tak disangka- sangka adalah ada pulak Nikon buat promotion kat tengah- tengah Centre Court tu kan. And I was actually dreaming of owning my own camera for the. longest time. (Okay exaggerating).

Okay masa belajar dulu mmg ada kamera la, time pergi India dulu pakai kamera Kodak hadiah golf papa. Sangat- sangat berjasa okay, bila orang lain kena beli banyak2 bateri utk camera, aku just cucuk plag dan caj je. And the quality was satisfactory. I mean, apa la aku tau pasal kamera sangat kan. Asalkan boleh ambil gambar cukup lah.

Lepas balik Malaysia macam dah tak kawan dengan kamera dah tak tau sebab apa. Tapi dah macam agak jarang pakai kamera untuk ambil gambar, pakai fon je, dan makin lama makin jarang sampai almost nil kot penggunaan kamera. Dah start kerja apatah lagi. Tapi semenjak dua menjak ni macam rasa (okay la sejak masuk ED), memories being created without being recorded/ documented or whatever.

Dan aku started to long for a camera of my own.

And nikon just had to put up a booth dan buat promosi kamera hari ni la kan. And Ruly wasn't any help. And I ended up buying one lepas ih ah ih ah beberapa lama agaknya promoter tu pun dah naik boring.

Hi, welcome to the family gajet baru.
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miss nowwaaa

2011-10-18T21:02:00.001+08:00

Kau nak kahwin bila? Bukan kata tak ada orang nak?

We went to watch 'The Secret Life of Nora' last weekend (me and sisters). That was the first time I attended theaters and I was excited (though I was quite torn as Thor & Sasa's wedding fell on the same day), and oh well I had to choose. Sadly, aku pilih teater. :( sorry sasa n tho, kita jumpa lain kali ye. minta maaf banyak- banyak.

Kesimpulannya, memang meng-uja-kan. Actors berlakon real- life, real time in front of your eyes. Plus the effects, props, music-- memang seronok la. Bak kata fendy kodiang (in his case regarding paintball);

Dah kena sekali rasa nak berkali-kali lagi

(although for me, lepas kena dua kali baru rasa nak banyak kali lagi)

I think I might have developed a new hobby. Tapi nak kena ingat jalan ke sana semula lah.

Next month ada Badai Semalam ;). We used to learn the novel in KMB few years back. Brings back memories.

rawak

2011-10-18T13:49:00.000+08:00

That warm blue- grey eyes that lit up when he smiles.

You're once, twice, three times a lady, and I love you.I love you.

Waub, pahang

2011-10-15T23:15:00.001+08:00

Dulu semasa ditinggalkan dan sakit ati diorang kata "sabar, nanti akan dapat yang lagi baik."

For all I know, he got someone much beTter than I was. And me, still alone.

Not that I am not grateful for all the blessings. I am. Truly am. It's just something happened that made me think about the past.

But then, if I learned something, it's that I should look at things as a big picture. Jangan terikat dengan kotak kecil pemikiran sempit. Apa yang benar untuk hari ini tak semestinya benar untuk esok harinya.

Tapi, faith itu mesti senantiasa ada.

"Kau punya jonah kan- kau kerja busy gila- gila sampai kau mati, lepas tu hidup balik semula, kerja lagi sampai mati, hidup balik, keja lagi sampai mati..."

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scary mary

2011-10-14T19:48:00.000+08:00

Jiah has kind of moved on.

aku bila lagi?

should i abandon all hope?

or should i abandon all illusions and take what's offered. I mean, I should not be picky right?

but then, i would not risk my possible happiness, just for the sake of.... having somebody, and hating myself for it later.

I'm scared.

I have an appointment with the dentist next week for tooth extraction after completing my antibiotics (flagyl and amox). Let's face it. Dentists freaked me out.

Sakit gigi

2011-10-14T18:41:00.000+08:00

Gigi aku berlobang.

Orang lain masa kecik2 ada lubang kat gigi,aku dah tua2 ni la baru gigi nak berlobang.

Sakit siot.
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Randomisation

2011-10-14T01:01:00.000+08:00

I missed ED and the people.

I missed them.

4 months flew so fast.
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kenapa kah?

2011-10-13T13:22:00.000+08:00

Once I started reading quotes, it will be a never- ending thing. Oh well...it will end.

This is the quote that was supposed to be... 3 months ago. Talk about subconscious.

“I’ve met a man and fallen in love with him. I allowed myself to fall in love for one simple reason: I’m not expecting anything to come of it. I know that, in three months’ time, I’ll be far away and he’ll be just a memory, but I couldn’t stand living without love any longer; I had reached my limit…

Because I could never explained how it happened. But then, it was always without reason. :) and it wasn't merely a crush. it may not have been as great as love, but surely it wasn't a crush.

It was... at least a proof that my heart is not as dry as I thought.

Generally speaking, these meetings occur when we reach a limit, when we need to die and be reborn emotionally. These meeting are waiting for us, but more often than not, we avoid them happening. If we are desperate, though, if we have nothing to lose, or if we are full of enthusiasm for life, then the unknown reveals itself, and our universe changes directions.”

(the continuation of the quote above)

quoting

2011-10-13T12:17:00.000+08:00

exactly the quote i was looking for, like.... 2 years ago?

“if pain must come, may it come quickly. because i have a life to live, and i need to live it in the best possible. if he has to make a choice, may he make it now. then i will either wait for him or forget him. waiting is painful. forgetting is painful. but not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.”

but now is not the time to relive the past. it has successfully found its place in the past.

i have this nagging toothache that nagged me to the point of madness.

melting the hours

2011-10-13T11:25:00.000+08:00

‎"The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'

Actually the quote was much more longer, but the last part caught my attention.... nah, it caught my heart.

Again, I never ceased to be amazed about relationships between people. You can be friends for years and still could not sit at the same table talking confortably, but you are able to spend hours conversing with a person, whom you only knew for the past few months, and whom ... entah, susah nak cakap macamana, .... it never crossed your mind to be on close terms, and it's not like you were working together all the time.

Okay, I failed to deliver understandable message. Fine.

But... yeah, I spent hours berborak dengan zul 2 nights ago. dia dok ungkit suruh belanja sejak 2 weeks ago sebab dia terlepas nak makan pizza yang kitorang belanja on my last day hari tu. ( siapa suruh resus busy hari tu kan? haha). and sungguh dia dengan seriusnya bertanya several times after that. last- last aku ajak dia mengeteh aja. kagum sedikit kerana aku tak ada resistance, mungkin sebab dia dah kahwin. ahaks. mungkin kerana we had things in common- he studied in india too, and his wife was my high school junior.

we talked about... semua benda. work, life, families, friends, gossips, india. it just came naturally, like i was talking to a long-time friend. the best thing was, he did not say 'sorry' when he learned that my parents were divorced and dared to ask why (dr shamila asked me the same thing few weeks prior)-- to which i could not really answer because i don't really know. It's really refreshing. And nothing personal at all. and he did not pass any judgement when i said (what i said took me by surprise too) that i may be still be alone because i could not bring myself to have faith in my own relationship. i mean, actually marveled at people actually getting married. kagum because they are able to do it.

sedar- sedar dah pukul 230 pagi. If I were staying in my own house, the conversation would have been continued until dawn kooot.

"Ada dua benda yang buat aku betul- betul gembira. When I'm with my wife, and my family"

snippets

2011-10-10T16:50:00.003+08:00

once upon a fine night

really, aku dah tak tahu nak tulis apa. tak tahu macam mana 2 bulan lepas aku penuh dengan semangat nak menulis hari- hari. i mean, things are still the same, everyday stuff... tapi nak menulis itu... tiada.

maka, jiah, aku meniru gaya kau eh?

Friday 30/9/2011

Officially aku dah cuti dah time ni. (dah specialist kata habis tarikh ni, kita pun habis lah kannnnn). Pagi- pagi jemput mama di KLIA lepas tu hantar balik rumah and then shoot ke hospital sebab ada inquiry meeting kejadah itu. culas nya memang tak ingat apa dah. dan turned out prof takdak pun, so chill saja meeting tersebut.

habis meeting dalam sejam gitu, aku pi lepak resus salin RN patient dengan diagnosis dari buku MA dan SN untuk logbooks sambil- sambil berborak. then had a fun gossip session sambil makan- makan dengan epul, shol dan duan. lepas tu shoot ke putrajaya ambil mama dari alamanda.

Mon -Thursday 3-6/10/2011

Except Tuesday, my days were filled with movie watching session. Bini-biniku gangster, Dream House, Killer Elite and 3 Musketeers. Sehari dengan Qilah, yang lain dengan my 4th sister who happened to be on her semester break. Tuesday adalah hari mengemis signature dari MOs. Keluar lah ayat- ayat biasa dari mulut diorang- barrel KFC lah, pizza lah etc. (nasib baik dah belanja Dominoes hari tu share dengan aiman.), sampai specialist pun kata diorang pun tak charge apa- apa, MOs dan reg pula yang lebih. tapi tak kesah pun kerana aku suka sama mereka. <3

When I thought I was done, aiman called and said my logbook was rejected for few trivial matters, terpaksa aku pusing semula balik hospital (nasib baik, masih di area tu masa tu) dan menagih simpati dengan MOs shift petang pula, heh heh. dan .... setel.

i just love his lopsided smile

Saturday 8/10/2011

Hari yang menakutkan dah tiba.

pada suatu shif petang di resus in mid september, afiq tanya nak join paintball ke tak. jawapan awal dalam kepala mestilah taaaak kaaaan. 1st time main paintball adalah masa deepavali 2010, with aziah, atas ajakan drs aini & ailani. masa tu main kat gombak, and though we had fun, lepas tu agak berazam untuk tak mahu main lagi dah. mungkin kerana postcall, mungkin kerana tak kenal sangat dengan team-mates, dan berapa ribu kemungkinan lagi. pendek kata memang kalau boleh dielakkan, memang tak akan bermainlah permainan bernama paintball itu.

tapi entah kenapa lepas kena jek 2-3 kali je aku pun kata- okay lah. and he said, he'll put my name on the list. dan lepas tu aku ala- ala melupakan insiden itu sampai lah diingatkan semula oleh budak- budak ini few days prior. depa dah siap cabut undi untuk teams dah pun. rasa tak sedap la pulak kalau tak pergi tiba- tiba pula kan.

Venue: Tasik Idaman, Bangi

Time: janji pukul 8 pagi

Memang tak sangka lah pulak ramai gila yang akan main, nak dekat 30 orang la jugak. cuak-cuak-cuak. tak selera nak makan walaupun bau bihun goreng yang diorang bawak tu sangatla menyelerakan.

.....

but it turned out to be lots and lots of FUUUUNNNN!!! of course la sakit badan kena bantai dengan pellets tu kan, tapi at the end of it you longed for.....more. ;)

dan sangat la kagum dengan mereka- mereka yang masih akan bekerja pada malam itu. cool la weh korang. ^^~

alfa group. walaupun last place, namun bangga kerana berjaya mengalahkan team yang 1st place.

habis main, few of us pergi menjamu selera kat Sate Kajang. Puas la makan kan lepas penat bermain- main. siva belanja satay yay!

muka penat tapi puas ati

i really hoped i could join more of the activities in the future, despite not being in ED anymore.

gamba di-ambil dari kawan- kawan.

lega koooot

2011-09-30T14:20:00.000+08:00

Okaaaaay.... it wasn't as bad as i... ehem we thought.

i thought it would be dengan big boss, turned out dengan dr hil dan dr zul sahaja, and they just wanted to know what actually happened from the night people. sebab nak tanya seorang- seorang kan penat, so kumpulkan semua orang, dan tanya.

it was enjoyable actually. sebab management- wise, memang tip top dan complete ( as expected from dr arman lah kan, dan terasa agak gembira being a part of it. eventhough aku tak banyak buat pun. tolong sikit sini sana refer je lah). cuma problem malam itu adalah miscommunication dengan orang di atas, that caused the patient to be stranded in ED the whole night and unfortunately collapsed tengah2 pass over when she was stable the whole night.

I mean, logically, kalau betul orang atas dah panggil, tak mungkin orang di bawah ni nak simpan patient.

my entry is jumbled up, tapi tak kesah lah. i wasn't even supposed to write about it pun.

Sigh lagi

2011-09-29T00:15:00.000+08:00

Indeed... A stressful week.

One hoped to end the posting peacefully and uneventfully.

Totally got the opposite.

Thankfully I was with reliable people and my boss was one of the best and safest doctor. And he's not afraid of the big boss especially when he knows he's on the right side. Let's just see what'll happen on Friday.

I'm so gonna miss you guys.
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Counting the blessings

2011-09-26T23:06:00.003+08:00

I've been blessed.

Despite perangai aku yang memang berat mulut tak tau nak membuat conversation, it has been a surprise that I've made some good friends along the way.

Okay.

I got 4 days off since Friday. (Friday owing Hari Malaysia, Saturday and Sunday offdays, and Monday owing Hari Raya). Macam best kan, tapi biasala benda- benda best rasa cepat je berlalu. Thursday night had been a busy night ( with all the yellow patients and the annoying green patients), and naturally I was extremely tired the next day. And the morning rounds were extremely lengthy, that I had to sneak off because my mom and sister had arrived and they were in a hurry. But not before mengacau nik rosli (terjumpa on the way nak balik bilik) yang kena berlakon untuk "disaster apa-tah" for medical students.

i fell asleep in the car, and at home (rumah papa), total about an hour plus before I was woken up by my sister and spent the afternoon with my uncle who happened to be in town ( Putrajaya, town la sangat). lepas tu ambil mama dan balik seri putra dan aku pengsan tak sedar diri lagi. malam hantar mama ke airport.

Saturday 24.9.2011

Dropped off my sister at LRT Bandar Tasik Selatan, and met up with Qilah and Ecah at PPUKM and off we went to Times Square. Spent an hour and a half dizzying ourselves with the games, and we gave up. That DNA mixer was the limit. We didn't even get to ride the roller coster! We were so nauseated and light headed that none of us were talking much after that. Even the sight of food made my stomach lurched. Slouched against the wall on a bench outside the surau for an hour (believe it or not, we fell asleep), only then we became sober again.

And started to feel hungry.

Spent the next 4 hours at Plaza Imbi's KTV losing our voice, later joined by Shahrul, Fab, Shol, Afiq and last but not least Rudi and his friend. * tak puas hati sebab tak dapat nyanyi habis lagu Ku Tak Bisa (menyibuk lagu shahrul), dua- dua kali sebab shol (ehem, because he just happened to be at the small screen).

And off we go to Bagan Lalang untuk menjamu selera. Gila tak gila la jauhnya. Tapi tak kisahlah, dah masing- masing kebulur dan nak makan besar. And, I wasn't the one driving. Dan aku memang tengah cuti. Tapi memang pergghhh terbaik lah makan kat sana. Rasa nak dekat sepuluh tahun dah kot tak jejak kaki. Sampai rumah dah pukul satu lebih.

And something kinda happened. Worse sebab ada komentator yang drama (quote di bawah).

Sunday 25.9.2011

Berjalan lagi hari ni! Janji dengan Qilah dan Ecah (again!) nak jumpa kat spital untuk ke dr azim punya open house kat keramat. Rasa tak sedap pulak tak pergi sebab dia dah ingatkan berkali- kali suh pegi.

Tak menyesal la pergi. Foods memang sedap, especially soto!

Balik rumah, penat, tido. Sakit satu badan dek penangan DNA Mixer tu. Tapi sempat juga bangun nak tengok Romualdo. *droool*

Monday 26.9.2011

Brought my youngest sister all around Putrajaya to sort out her ICs and bank cards (she lost her purse last Saturday), and sent her off to Puncak Alam. Stopped by Shah Alam to meet up with Pakeesh (kebetulan pula dia call masa aku tengah drive by dekat- dekat situ), dan mengeteh sebentar.

And back to hospital because I had to work in the morning, and God knows I loathed getting up early. At least I can sleep another hour ;)

Oh sweet! Patut amek kamera tangkap gambar.

Slowly creeping

2011-09-26T16:23:00.000+08:00

This is not happening.

Surely it's not happening. Not when the other incident just happened a while ago.

Since when it crept and grow inside me?

Eh...its not grown yet, not when I'm capable of preventing it from growing.

Why do you have to go and do that?
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2011-09-21T13:09:00.000+08:00

..... i am a bore without a subject of interest.

blerghhh

Daun baru

2011-09-12T10:21:00.000+08:00

Bila dh clear inbox sms dan whatapps dan bbm, rasa macam sedang buka buku baru pula. Dan mengurangkan serabut kat kepala.huhu.

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2011-09-08T13:18:00.000+08:00

Rasa tak seronok
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aku mau hidup

2011-08-31T23:54:00.000+08:00

Rasa macam kekurangan kasih sayang sejak dua menjak ni. Maka aku menempek dengan semua orang.

"It's just... I remembered something unpleasant. That's why I called you. If I look at you, I'll forget." - Cha Ji Heon, Protect the Boss

Cepat- cepat lah hilang kerana aku mahu hidup.

Ouch

2011-08-30T23:28:00.000+08:00

......Sakit. Seriously.
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2011-08-30T16:29:00.002+08:00

......

rasa macam bosan pulak tak ada orang mengata aku jona.

see you guys next week.

2011-08-30T00:22:00.000+08:00

Saya puasa penuh tahun ni, nak duit raya lebih sikit?

Masa datang kerja tadi agak risau memikirkan tak ada juadah berbuka puasa sebab bazar semua dah tutup. It turned out tak perlu risau langsung. rudi ordered Dominos (yang akhirnya dibelanja oleh dr nik azlan,our specialist. Tq!!). Ada staff nurse yang pergi ke bazar beli kuih, husband ina masak mi bawak ke spital. Lepas tu puan prema pulak datang bawak lagi Dominos dan nasi goreng. Ada lagi air bandung dan asam boi. Memang heaven la makanan. Sangat best! Syukur sangat kali ni puasa masa di ED. Last year masa kat medical memang takde sape nak kisah sangat la kita makan ke tak, sahur ke tak.

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IMG00226-20110828-2308.jpg

2011-08-29T19:42:00.000+08:00

Last iftar di hospital! And our specialist belanja our food!

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malam terakhir sebelum raya bersama orang- orang yang kita suka

2011-08-29T13:26:00.001+08:00

A: aima kalau dah sekali dengan poknik dalam resus, memang habisla
M: nasib baik hang takda, kalau hang ada sekali, lagi la.

lama tak kerja dalam resus dengan budak- budak biasa (and yes, memang aku kena bubuh baik punya). walaupun awal- awal tu memang macam agak serabut dengan patient ditolak dari luar secara tiba- tiba. dr umul yang coolio pun naik hot. tapi alhamdulillah lepas tu tenang sikit. then baru je nak tarik nafas, terdengar dari speaker the EMT people (kot) with EDCC people- pasal accident kat tol 50sen- 2 red zone. masing- masing kat dalam dah terpaku sekejap.

and the motion started. dila start call ward nak push patient untuk ditolak ke atas dengan cepat. katil tolak masuk dalam, masing- masing dah pakai gown. and we waited for the patient.

ok sorang je patient yang masuk ke resus. eventhough seorang je patient, tapi rasa macam 2 je sebab dia restless.

sepanjang 2 bulan, ni 1st time nampak diorang taruk nick name kat board.haha. TL sengal

that night adalah malam muntah. and it so happened masa aku dengan poknik ada kat situ. started dengan patient dia. lepas tu patient yang mva tu pulak. mula tu dia muntah sementara nak tunggu ct scan. habis nasi semua keluar. okay dah bersih- bersihkan, hantar lah dia ke ct a&e. dah strap siap- siap dia kat sana, masuk dalam tempat radiographer, skali melambak dia keluar lagi. habis bersepah ct scan room. dah la tak ada suction dalam tu, and was unable nak lateral kan dia sebab sangat kecik space. so decided untuk tolak balik masuk resus.

after she vomited on me. 3 kali. meloncat muntah dia keluar, 3- 3 kali kena aku. (tangan kiri aku la to be exact.) nasib baik sebelum tu poknik dah pakaikan aku gown biru lepas baju aku kena darah dari glove alif. kalau tak nangis aku p carik baju baru kot, pastu serabut pikir nak buang ke nak simpan je tshirt kena muntah tu. smpai resus cuci- cuci lagi. and i discovered that aku takde lah geli sangat kat muntah. tak ter-trigger pun rasa nak muntah masa bersihkan tu. dan dalam 4 orang paramedik dalam tu, afiq, alif, dila, 3-3 tak tahan dgn muntah. dila yang mulanya bertahan, sudahnya dia sendiri pergi lari muntah.

dan malam itu terasa sangat panjang.

it was the best night, with the people that we like. :)

ahhh! sayang tak amek gamba beramai- ramai.

balik dari kerja malam memang dalam foul mood. hati dah rasa macam tenggelam ke dasar lautan dalam. and i did something yang dah lama aku tak buat. pergi kerja petang dengan rasa tak nak kerja dah, nak balik raya je. (okay, fine, aku tak raya)

mujur jugak bosses semalam adalah yang terbaik. memang kerja gelak sahaja. and there were especially 2 things that made my day :):

1. afiq datang kat aku yang tengah duduk crossed legs sambil menulis, sepak kasut aku di kaki yang tergantung sambil tanya aku nak pesan apa- apa tak sebab dia nak kuar pergi bazar.

2. encik baha belanja kfc!

tapi bangun untuk sahur dengan hati lapang, walaupun ada sedikit rasa sedih.

over exaggerated

2011-08-28T08:59:00.002+08:00

Kau kan slalu tersimpan di hatiku
Meski ragamu tak dapat ku miliki
Jiwaku kan slalu bersamamu
Meski kau tercipta bukan untukku
*courtesy of LirikLaguIndonesia.net
Tuhan berikan aku cinta satu kali lagi
Hanya untuk barsamanya
Ku mencintainya sungguh mencintainya

Rasa ini sungguh tak wajar
Namun ku ingin tetap bersama dia
Untuk selamanya

Mengapa cinta ini terlarang
Saat ku yakini kaulah milikku
Mengapa cinta kita tak bisa bersatu
Saat ku yakin tak ada cinta selain dirimu

Tuhan berikan aku hidup satu kali lagi
Hanya untuk bersamanya
Ku mencintainya sungguh mencintainya

Rasa ini sungguh tak wajar
Namun ku ingin tetap bersama dia
Untuk selamanya

please...

2011-08-28T08:42:00.002+08:00

Please please let the rumours to be.... just rumours.

bila dia tiba- tiba bercakap dengan nada serius, my heart just stood still.

saya mahu dengar dia bercakap for the rest of my life.

(dalam hati) biasalah kita ambil tahu pasal orang yang kita suka

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Tanda- tanda hypo

2011-08-27T15:59:00.001+08:00

Bila kau sedang menulis history di case sheet, dan termangu sebentar kerana hendak memikirkan apakah perkataan Inggeris untuk "sahur". Maka kau pun bertanya pada bos yang kebetulan sedang menulis di hadapan kau.

A: Sahur apa ya dalam English?
R: Broom.

Sekian laporan hypo pada hari ini.

Malam ni the last night before semua orang yang aku suka balik raya, and all the best people will be there. the ones yang aku selalu kerja bersama masa awal- awal aku selalu di resus. maka dengan muka tak malunya dan rendah hati aku meminta untuk berada di dalam pada waktu malam. nurul pun mula musykil mengapa aku beria nak sangat resus malam ni. the reasons:

1. team paramedik dalam tu adalah semua orang yang aku suka. seriously. they were the ones you'll feel safe to work with and the ones you can depend on.

2. ......last night before.... hati aku akan tawar dengan sendirinya. :)

i told nurul only the 2nd reason though. dan dia dengan baik hatinya setujulah. huhuhuhu nurul i lap u! nanti i belanja u makan sahur kay!

A: TL, aku dapat tukar masuk dalam!
S: Kau rasuah apa kat dia?

i'm fine

2011-08-27T05:37:00.000+08:00

Kerana setiap kali pun aku minta Dia permudahkan, maka Dia permudahkan. Eventhough the news were not pleasant, but the way it was brought to me was... as jujur as I could ask for. There's no better way than that.

ini broken hearts

biasanya aku kalau tak kerja malam memang tak sahur. celik mata, raba- raba air masak, teguk2 tutup mata balik. tapi disebabkan pujukan qila semalam, aku termakan juga dan order nasik. dah order mesti la kena turun kan. lauk aku macam biasalah- nasi putih+ telur dadar + sambal bilis. dah naik boring tapi nak buat macamana kan?

dah semangat turun pukul 4 tu, sekali tak nampak kelibat nasi putih haku! bila ditanya- tanya, confirm memang aku punya ada pada asalnya sebab orang hairan kenapa nama aku ada, sedangkan aku tak bekerja malam? mereka yang baik hati mula lah mencari- cari MA yang nak keluar makan sahur supaya boleh dipesan nasi nya. kebetulan G nak keluar pegi beli McD. maka aku yang sudah diajak (dan lapar) ni, pergi je lah menyentil naik kereta oren-nya mencari nasi putih.

terima kasih kawan- kawan. kamu memang baik hati.

keping- keping

2011-08-27T00:11:00.000+08:00

Where do broken hearts go?

Diambil dari status syud kat bbm.

entah tak tau nak rasa apa.

aku pun tak tau kenapa kisah tentang dia senang saja singgah ke pengetahuan aku. memang tak minta pun.

.... but then, maybe in a way, Allah is having pity on me (walaupun aku bukan orang baik) and tak kasi aku hanyut tertanya- tanya lama- lama in the dark.

again... instinct aku berada di tempat yang betul.

actually macam banyak nak tulis, tapi macam tak ada mood dah.

nite! dah janji nak bangun sahur dah hari ni.

2011-08-25T18:41:00.000+08:00

Let's stop feeling sorry for yourself and enjoy what life has to offer.
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The Virgin - Cinta Terlarang (Karaoke + VC)

2011-08-24T20:17:00.000+08:00

Tiba- tiba addicted pada lagu ni. Mesti sebab adik- adik aku suka nyanyi kat rumah. eh, tapi macam delayed reaction pula. okay whatever.

si baju merah

2011-08-24T19:40:00.000+08:00

Macam tak ada topik lain selain dari aku jonah je. cis. siap suruh mandi 7 sungai lautan bagai.

Ahhhh! malam ni kerja lagi!

Kelip kelip kusangka api

2011-08-24T00:35:00.000+08:00

Setiap kali sms berbunyi, there'll be a flicker of hope.

Just a flicker, and then it died because I know it wasn't meant to be.
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rumble

2011-08-23T22:58:00.001+08:00

lama tak tengok orang kena rumble. ha ha ha.

hari ni bday si alip. masa diorang nak menukar shift tadi, datang yang lain beramai- ramai ( takde lah ramai mana pun, 5-6 orang je), tarik mamat tu ke resus 4, tarik langsir and tak tau lah depa buat apa kat dalam tu. pastu macam dah habis nak keluar, tiba- tiba diorang tarik ferd pulak masuk and entah apa diorang buat kat dalam juga. even dr adlan pun gelak besar tengok perangai macam budak- budak tu.

tapi adalah sangat refreshing :) rasa macam balik ke sekolah dulu.

Pastu nak pau aku secret recipe pulak. cis.

maybe... just maybe, it's just a sign from Him that I still have not lost my heart

?

2011-08-23T09:38:00.002+08:00

..... kenapa senang nya aku ter-attached kepada mereka?

2011-08-22T12:52:00.000+08:00

Tuhan, tolong aku...

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langsi!

2011-08-22T09:31:00.000+08:00

Macam nak ternganga je bila bos kau, who's a chinese (and good looking too), pasang lagu melayu, siap boleh nyanyi lagi. tadi dia nyanyi lagu kerispatih. OMG. lepas tu dia tau pulak tu dialog feymes dalam malay movie. macam tadi poknik macam langsi gila buat ECG, tiba- tiba dia kata:

lu langsi, lu mati

confirm lah aku gelak.

malam tadi tak busy sangat, tapi lepas satu macam settled, seorang lagi masuk. long line dapat masuk dua dengan sukses, tak ada naik ke kepala, alhamdulillah. dan aku tambah seorang kawan baru. i lost one thing, but i gain another. and the one that is more long- lasting- friendship. :)

D: Patutla dia nampak muda.
M: Kenapa? Sebab pakai mask terbalik?

when you thought he could not be cuter

2011-08-21T17:02:00.000+08:00

he likes the coffee made by na na so much

macam tak logik je dia boleh jadi lebih comel daripada sepatutnya.

high profile criminal

2011-08-21T16:48:00.001+08:00

rasanya macam dah waras sikit hari ni. konon nak sedih lama- lama pun buat apa. baik bergembira dengan apa yang ada. ( although... experience does play a role this time)

even though bangun tidur lambat dan terpaksa minta nan hantarkan last minute sebab nanti lambat nak cari parking. dengan berbelah bahagi nak pakai ke tak baju kuning-hijau berkait tu sebab nanti macam jangok sangat. dah lambat pun boleh nak fikir benda bodoh macam tu.

tapi sebab nak menceriakan hati dan hari kan, pakai lah baju comel sikit. baju ceria kata mereka. azwal kata baju cantik boleh buat baju raya hari kedua.

ED tenang di pagi hari. rudi dalam resus maka seperti biasa patient yang dia dapat adalah penuh drama. announcement dari edcc kata trauma resus. semua orang macam excited sebab seakan- akan jobless kan. akhiar call edcc semula tanya- rupanya ada kes ugut dan orang tebusan. kena kelar kat leher. mula- mula ingat tebusan tu yang tercedera, penjenayah tu dah selamat kena dek sniper polis. sekali rupa- rupanya penjenayah tu yang dibawa masuk, tebusan tak ada apa- apa. apparently dia kelar leher dia sendiri pakai pedang samurai. ada kisah di sebaliknya tapi tak perlu cerita kat sini kot. to sum it up dengan ayat rudi;

walaupun wa mafia, dalam hati wa ada taman

Obviously dia tak cakap macam tu.

Tapi agak rumitlah nak menguruskan dia. cederanya sikit je, tapi sebab kerana dia adalah 'wanted criminal', terpaksa lah dibawa masuk ke resus. psy was brought in, dan jadi panjang pula ceritanya.

lepas pukul 12, patient start ramai masuk. (aku dh cakap dengan shahrul jangan tegur, dia nak tegur jugak!). Still manageable lagi. Start pukul 230-- bersusun masuk sekali, apakah?? nasib baik masa tu tengah bz menguruskan bloods yang bosses mintak tolong, maka takde la rasa bersalah sangat tak tengok yang baru- baru masuk tu. huhu.

A: Cuba tengok baju dia, boleh buat baju raya kedua kan?
F: Boleh.
M: Ni bukan baju raya la.
F: Tengokla raya kedua nanti dia pakai baju apa.

Ini entry poyo tapi aku nak tulis jugak

2011-08-20T21:04:00.001+08:00

Kenapa aku ralat?

1. Aku banyak sangat berfikir. Benda yang tak logik pun aku pikir jugak.

2. Somehow, I AM judgemental.

Those two adalah sebab-sebab aku sukar untuk suka pada orang. Tak ada salah orang itu pun. Aku yang mengada2 overthinking. And when u met a person yang membuatkan kau ingkar pada dua sebab di atas itu dan segala alasan-alasan bodoh ciptaan sendiri, what else could you do?-jawab sendiri-

Tak apa---percaya pada janji Tuhan. Ada yang lebih baik lepas ni. Walaupun hati sedih.

Hari ni pergi ber shopping kat jalan TAR dgn mama and sistas. Aku tak ada benda nak beli sangat pun asalnya, tapi tersangkut beli perfume BURBERRY BRIT- SHEER dan sehelai baju kurung nak buat bawak pegi kerja. Aje ramai gila ah kat sogo dan jalan TAR. Serabut aku.

Iftar di Kelab Tasik Putrajaya. The foods were excellent. Semua pun sedap!

Tapi sejak dua menjak ni, aku cepat kenyang. :( dah tak boleh nak makan banyak dah...

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Long awaited date

2011-08-19T22:38:00.000+08:00

Ada rupa patah hati tak?

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bo bo

2011-08-19T16:38:00.001+08:00

bo lah bo....

suddenly i'm feeling old. the gay feeling that i had few weeks back that made me feel like a school girl disappeared as i watched love blooming in front of me. those... atmosphere rasa macam berjuta tahun cahaya jauhnya dari aku.

nak buat macam mana, kita suka orang, orang tak suka kat kita

bo lah bo

hari ni mood tak ada nak kerja. aku kerja macam barai. aku senyum macam paksa je. (funny orang itu notice aku monyok pula). rasa malas nak tegur. bila nak tegur rasa macam ada pasir dalam mulut, rasa macam tak ikhlas. dan sesungguhnya aku kerja macam barai.

and when others said, mintak lah apa yang aku nak dalam bulan Ramadan ni, i would just break down and cry. because what i want, is the one i know i could not have.

entry patah hati

2011-08-19T00:03:00.003+08:00

dia tak pecah keping- keping.

dia rasanya macam hati tu dah lemau, lalu dipenyek- penyek, diuli- uli. and then stuck in your throat. tak boleh nak describe perasaan itu.

Instinct aku lepas 2 minggu of exposure:

He's not that into me

(i told you guys, tapi korang tak caye)

i did not hang out with boys all these years for nothing. somehow i developed certain instincts. which i can't describe, but turned out to be true. macam jugak kawan- kawan lelaki aku punya instinct pasal certain perempuan. eventhough masa aku bertahu instinct aku pada orang- orang tertentu, mereka seperti sceptical kerana tidak mendengar sendiri dari mulut orang yang terbabit. and eventhough aku tau apa yang diorang cakap tu make sense kerana instinct sahaja tidak valid, tapi.... you know deep inside it's true, dan kau tak boleh nak explain kenapa kau rasa macam tu.

......

and with tears in my eyes, i say ,"I'm fine." (credit to jiah)

You can't lose what you never had.

maka aku tak sepatutnya rasa lemau macam ni. tapi somehow.... rasa kecewa pula. mungkin for a moment.... i thought i've found again the heart that i've lost.

and i lost it again. i'm not that strong anymore to be disillusioned. (sumpah aku tak sure langsung maksud dia apa, cuma rasa macam best je....harap- harap betul lah kot ayat tu)

apa dia si bulat ni?

ringan bahu

2011-08-18T13:19:00.001+08:00

rasa macam terlepas beban yang amat berat lepas present kat cme hari ni. tak kisah presentation aku barai ke tak ke, janji aku dah present. dah habis tak payah serabut- serabut fikir turn untuk present.

after presentation tadi, i felt like spending some money *ehem* (uwah boros!). sebenarnya torn antara the mines dan jusco cheras selatan, kerana kedua- duanya pun ada kedai crocs. tapi jusco menang. (tapi sebenarnya aku rasa baik aku pergi the mines kot sebab timing dia lebih kurang sama je cis.)

dapat la

- crocs sepasang (yang 2 size bigger, tapi sebab dah suka sangat aku beli jugak. disebabkan itu wajib membeli shoe pad dan stokin tebal supaya pakai kasut tu nanti muat- muat je. i've been wanting that kind of shoes sejak sekian lama tapi tak pernahnya nak berkenan betul- betul. design dia biasa sahaja tapi aku rasa macam kool)

- 2 helai tudung. ^____^

- miscellaneous

MA mana boleh belanja doktor, gaji doktor kan lagi banyak?

siapa kata tak boleh? cis!

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kisah cvl

2011-08-17T23:58:00.000+08:00

rasa macam hati dah lunyai. crushed. aku tahu yang aku lihat itu benda yang sangat trivia, and may not even mean anything.... or it may mean everything. tapi, memang merendahkan mood yang sedia ada. awal- awal lagi. dampening of the mood. mungkin aku saiko.

hari ni resus dengan dr faridah. she's really cool and funny. kadang benda yang tak expect dia cakap, akan keluar dari mulut dia. tadi sebelum time berbuka dia pergi solat asar + maghrib + berbuka sekali. aku pun tinggal lah kat resus dengan poknik, takkan nak tinggal begitu sahaja sementara orang lain p buka dulu. nasib baik ada orang baik hati derma makanan buka kat patients dan ada lebih, diorang kasi kat staff. mengunyah la kami kismis dan kek pisang. pastu dr faridah masuk. ingatkan boleh la nak p curik masa buka sekejap. tetiba specialist masuk nak masukkan sorang patient dari ER ke resus. dan kena masuk long line pula.

okey, setel buat tu, bos kata pegi lah makan buka. kita pun kata "okey!" then tak sure dr sumitro yang tengah review patient yang baru lepas masuk long line tu kata apa, because then she said

I dah berbuka dulu sebab I MO

bantai gelak aku dengar.

and cvl yang aku masukkan naik ke brain! he is so going to belanja me sebab dia yang compress dan begitu yakin tak naik atas cis! patutla clean and clear je masuk. usha pakai ultrasound-- tu dia menari- nari dawai dalam int jug. pehtu berusaha mengejas line tersebut berempat bersama dr faridah, kak thava dan faizal. ultrasound guided yo! tak nampak kat internal jug tu okaylah kot. mintak- mintak la in, kalau pun deep sampai ventricle, at least boleh tarik keluar sikit.

arghh esok kena present kot!

(dalam ati) dah tu tunggu awak ajak dating, sampai sudah le tak ada nya.

cool night

2011-08-17T09:05:00.001+08:00

Last night was a good night. rasa macam dah lama ED tak tenang macam tu :) resus pun setakat pukul 12 lebih last patient masuk. and then, tenang. (walaupun masa amar tolak masuk patient ke resus awal- awal tu tersenyum- senyum menyindir kat aku cis). kat yellow pun tak ramai. green pun manageable.

eventhough bos macam tak puas hati resus tak busy. then kept on muttering 745, 745. cis cis. tapi betul lah juga kata dia. kalau tak busy, otak kau tak bergerak. sebab dah biasa resus busy, aku pun agak mati kutu juga sikit- sikit.

semalam terjaga pukul 8 pm lebih. confirmlah tak berbuka lagi. maka berbuka lah aku dengan air masak dan tamar sahaja. konon- konon berhajat nak beli burger kat kafe sebelum start keje. sekali kafe tutup dah bulan puasa semua orang pergi tarawikh. terpaksa lah tahan perut sekejap sementara makanan sahur sampai kan. tiba- tiba pula terdengar ada bebudak tu nak ke mcD. teruja sebentar mendengar mereka memesan McFlurry, aku pun ikut join sekali. bila aku hulur rm 50 (sbb aku tak ada duit kecil!)-- okay aku tak ingat siapa yang menghasut suh aku bayar semua. cis, cis, aku terhasut terus hulur seratus. haha. tak kisah lah. they've been nice to me.

kalau kerja dengan aima, memang gaji halal lah

i'll take that as a compliment, walaupun tujuannya nak mengata aku.

nampak ke jalan tu? nak kena pimpin ke?

just have to tegur izzit?

2011-08-16T16:56:00.001+08:00

hari ini bermula dengan baik. patient masuk slow- slow...

then si shahrul just have to go and tegur aku - "eh, tak ramai pulak patient hari ni ek?"

and i went- "well..."

tak lama lepas tu patients masuk macam rombongan cik kiah. dan mamat tu dah tersengih- sengih-
"kan dah kata."

boleh tak kalau kau biarkan er tenang- tenang sahaja. mengapa harus kau tegur aku begitu???

eh, dia ada hari ni. tengok, si mata bulat

biru mata hitam

2011-08-15T23:50:00.002+08:00

aku pakai contacts je pon. bukan tukar mata.

okay sejak kerja memang jarang gila, eh tak pernah langsung pakai contacts kot. sebab selama ni kerja kat ward, long hours, and ko macam malas nak tonyoh- tonyoh mata.

entah tetiba pula rasa nak pakai. tergerak ati je pun.

and the questions i get from bebudak tu, "nampak ke ko tak pakai spek?"

cis. and one particular person asek mocking aku je. cis. cis.

nampak tak elok ke?

tak lah. cantik.

:))))

kisah bengang sikit sikit

2011-08-15T12:56:00.001+08:00

okay la jiah, aku cite.

my oncall was supposed to be on thursday and saturday. friday i'm working pm shift. on thursday sepatutnya ada 3 orang oncall. tapi seorang EL sejak pagi, and did not inform whether he's coming for night shift or not. and ED was like hell that night. i could not go out from resus sebab bos suruh dok dalam and keep an eye on patient yang ada, to avoid anything nasty. (ada kisah di sebaliknya), and sheena macam orang gila dah kat luar siap pergi bagitau edcc buat announcement kata memang patient akan tunggu lama. (dengan halusnya nak menghalau patient green lah). okay, tak kisah la tu. we managed to survive the night. so we came for pm shift on friday.

habis pm shift, dengan perasaan riang ria nak balik tido (post call kan), pergilah menyentil kat aiman yang baru datang untuk oncall. tengok muka dia macam ketat je. then dia kata- dia oncall sorang je malam ni sebab lau el, family matters.

although boleh kot kalau nak seorang je houseman oncall untuk malam, tapi macam agak impossible. dah la resus dah cut down staff dari 5 jadi 3, dengan seorang mo je kat dalam, memang tak terkejar la kot kalau tiba- tiba patient masuk sekali ramai. not that ada beza sangat kalau ho ada, tapi at least, ada tambah satu tenaga kerja la. and memang agak susah nak menarik orang last- last minute macam tu. so aku offer diri je la nak sambung malam, and sabtu tu aku masuk malam je. aiman tanya dr zul, and he gave the green light. so kerja lah aku petang-malam pada hari itu. tak kisah pun sebab ada pencetus semangat malam itu. *ehem*

and the MOs and regs and nurses and MAs were being so nice that night, so it really didn't matter. so memang tak kisah nak buat 3 malam straight. at that time la.

later that night, aiman kasitau yang orang yang el time aku dan sheena oncall khamis tu kata dia boleh buat oncall hari sabtu. aku macam---oookay, so aku masuk petang la instead of malam. so tak pe lah.

then during passover pagi, aku tgk aiman muka ketat lagi. then he said, orang yang kata nak buat oncall hari tu, kata tak jadi pulak nak buat disebabkan certain things, and i have to do night. aku macam...wha? not that aku kisah nak buat malam, sebab initial plan memang macam tu. tapi aku pissed off gila bila dia dah kata nak buat calls, and then suddenly calls it off last minute macam tu without thinking about other people.

i don't know why, tapi memang aku pissed off. rasa nak baling je duster whiteboard masa tukar nama tu.

and aku pissed off lagi semalam dengan orang yang dok mengadu penat lepas buat night call. kau tengah bercakap dengan orang yang buat back to back double shifts with extra night after that, berani lagi nak kompelin.

dah tu jual minyak kat awak, awak tak mau.

cutesy

2011-08-13T19:48:00.000+08:00

engkau tu dah la tinggi, berusaha jugak nak terlentok kat bahu orang. ish.

panas beb

2011-08-13T09:57:00.001+08:00

aku bengang big time.

aku tak nak berkira. seriously tak nak berkira.

tapi bila orang buat tukar-tukar fikiran macam tukar kertas je, aku pun naik bengang.

kalau ada orang nak buat hal lagi, aku EL malam ni, aku peduli apa. long story nanti- nanti. sekarang aku bengang nak tido.