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September 2015

debts and stressors

06 September 2015 0

للَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ الْهَمِّ وَالْحَزَنِ وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ الْعَجْزِ وَالْكَسَلِ وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ الْجُبْنِ وَالْبُخْلِ وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ غَلَبَةِ الدَّيْنِ وَقَهْرِ الرِّجَالِ
Allahumma inni a'udzubika minal hammi wal hazan, wa a'udzubika minal ‘ajzi wal kasal, wa a'udzubika minal jubni wal buhkl, wa a'udzubika min ghalabatid-daini wa qahrir-rijaal 
“Ya Allah, aku berlindung pada-Mu dari rasa sesak dada dan gelisah, dan aku berlindung pada-Mu dari kelemahan dan kemalasan, dan aku berlindung pada-Mu dari sifat pengecut dan kikir, dan aku berlindung pada-Mu dari belenggu hutang dan tekanan manusia”
Saya tahu doa ni daripada zaman sekolah lagi. 
Sebab ayat2 ini akan terselit dalam doa imam2 setiap kali selepas solat berjemaah. Tapi masa tu and for the next many years tak pernah terlintas pun nak study makna ayat2 tersebut. Haih. But better late than never, right?
Again, if things did not happen they way it did, I may not even look at them too, now.
Anyhow, there are times yang akan terasa hidup ini sangat sesak...and your hands seperti diikat tak boleh hendak buat apa-apa, tekanan dari orang sekeliling. Let's recite this. The protection may not arrive in the way that we want, but Allah will give it the way that we need. Maybe not immediately, but when He thinks that we a ready.
Indeed, in Allah we trust. 

FRCR to Thaif

05 September 2015 0

Hari ini dept saya handle preparatory course untuk part 2 FRCR exam. FRCR adalah Fellow of the Royal College of Radiologists.
Senang kata ia adalah private exam yang diambil oleh doktor-doktor yang mahu jadi pakar Radiology, tanpa melalui program Masters tempatan. Tapi student Masters pun sangat digalakkan untuk mengambil exam ni. Enhancing the knowledge. 

Few of the MOs were selected to become the time-keeper--while the participants are going through numbers of films shown by the selected moderators from the teaching hospitals. Me included. And i was the 'bidan terjun' MC for the short morning session. Well, even though it was for less than half an hour, gemuruh itu mestilah ada. Lagi- lagi ini adalah kali pertama juga pegang mic untuk jadi emcee. I think I slurred most of the words in the beginning. 2nd half baru pandai sebut perkataan satu satu.

But you didn't get it when i want to run the texts by you, didn't you? Its just that I want you to listen to it. That's all. 

However, that part was over pretty quick and we went to our respective places. I opted to stay outside--and read Reclaim Your Heart a bit more. And I came across one of her favourite du'a by Rasulullah s.a.w when he was in Thaif. Then I did a little digging about the story--and I gain much more respect to our beloved prophet. 

It was the 10th year of kenabian (prophetic?) dan Nabi s.a.w telah kehilangan dua insan yang paling prominen dalam hidupnya- Saiditina Khadijah & Ali bin Abi Talib; yang menjadi sokongan terkuat sejak dahulu. Allah telah memerintahkan baginda untuk berdakwah pada masyarakat di Thaif. And he abided the order and went there with Zaid bin Harithah.

But not only the travel was in vain, they were chased out by the people and were thrown with sands and stones and pebbles as well as harsh words. They must have been throwing with all the hatred as both of the men were injured to the point they could not walk right and had to hide in a farm ('Utbah bin Rabi'ah). 

Kalau orang biasa-biasa macam kita ni mesti dah sumpah seranah jilake pergi mampus dll. Dan memang simpang 44 tak akan nak buat kerja-kerja macam tu lagi. Phobia! Or report polis.  Eh. 

Tapi Nabi s.a.w bukan lah orang biasa kan? Apa barang nak mengadu kat orang. 
Apa yang dilakukan adalah fitrah kepada seorang manusia. Purely fitrah. He turned to Allah. Blood stained, he cried out to Him.

اللّهُمّ إلَيْك أَشْكُو ضَعْفَ قُوّتِي ، وَقِلّةَ حِيلَتِي ، وَهَوَانِي عَلَى النّاسِ
يَا أَرْحَمَ الرّاحِمِينَ أَنْتَ رَبّ الْمُسْتَضْعَفِينَ وَأَنْتَ رَبّي ، إلَى مَنْ تَكِلُنِي ؟ إلَى بَعِيدٍ يَتَجَهّمُنِي ؟ أَمْ إلَى عَدُوّ مَلّكْتَهُ أَمْرِي ؟ إنْ لَمْ يَكُنْ بِك عَلَيّ غَضَبٌ فَلَا أُبَالِي

 وَلَكِنّ عَافِيَتَك هِيَ أَوْسَعُ لِي ، أَعُوذُ بِنُورِ وَجْهِك الّذِي أَشْرَقَتْ لَهُ الظّلُمَاتُ وَصَلُحَ عَلَيْهِ أَمْرُ الدّنْيَا وَالْآخِرَةِ مِنْ أَنْ تُنْزِلَ بِي غَضَبَك ، أَوْ يَحِلّ عَلَيّ سُخْطُكَ لَك الْعُتْبَى حَتّى تَرْضَى ، وَلَا حَوْلَ وَلَا قُوّةَ إلّا بِك

Ya Allah, aku mengadu kepadaMu kelemahan kekuatanku, sedikitnya kemampuanku dan hinanya aku pada pandangan manusia.Wahai Tuhan Yang Maha Pengasih, Engkaulah Tuhan golongan yang lemah dan Engkau juga Tuhanku. Kepada siapa Engkau serahkan aku ? Kepada orang jauh yang memandangku dengan wajah bengis atau kepada musuh yang menguasai urusanku? Sekiranya Engkau tidak murka kepadaku, aku tidak peduli (apa yang menimpa).amun keselamatan daripadaMu lebih melapangkan aku. Aku berlindung dengan cahaya wajah-Mu yang menyinari kegelapan serta memperelokkan urusan dunia dan akhirat.Aku berlindung daripada kemarahanMu atau kemurkaanMu terkena kepadaku. Engkau berhak untuk mencela aku sehingga Engkau redha. Tiada kuasa dan tiada kekuatan melainkan dengan-Mu.”

Allah answered his prayers by sending an angel offering to topple the mountains over the people of Thaif. All the prophet had to do was say the word. 

But he didn't. 
Instead he prayed that the people and their descendants to be given the guidance to the true path. 

That is the kind of heart I would like to possess. 

the Throne

04 September 2015 0

اللَّهُ لاَ إِلَهَ إِلاَّ هُوَ الْحَيُّ الْقَيُّومُ لاَ تَأْخُذُهُ سِنَةٌ وَلاَ نَوْمٌ لَهُ مَا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الأَرْضِ مَنْ ذَا الَّذِي يَشْفَعُ عِنْدَهُ إِلاَّ بِإِذْنِهِ يَعْلَمُ مَا بَيْنَ أَيْدِيهِمْ وَمَا خَلْفَهُمْ وَلاَ يُحِيطُونَ بِشَيْءٍ مِنْ عِلْمِهِ إِلاَّ بِمَا شَاءَ وَسِعَ كُرْسِيُّهُ السَّمَاو ;َاتِ وَالأَرْضَ وَلاَ يَئُودُهُ حِفْظُهُمَا وَهُوَ الْعَلِيُّ الْعَظِيمُ

Allahu la ilaha illa Huwa, Al-Haiyul-Qaiyum La ta'khudhuhu sinatun wa la nawm, lahu ma fis-samawati wa ma fil-'ard Man dhal-ladhi yashfa'u 'indahu illa bi-idhnihi Ya'lamu ma baina aidihim wa ma khalfahum, wa la yuhituna bi shai'im-min 'ilmihi illa bima sha'a Wasi'a kursiyuhus-samawati wal ard, wa la ya'uduhu hifdhuhuma Wa Huwal 'Aliyul-Adheem.

"Allah! There is no god but He - the Living, The Self-subsisting, Eternal. No slumber can seize Him Nor Sleep. His are all things In the heavens and on earth. Who is there can intercede In His presence except As he permitteth? He knoweth What (appeareth to His creatures As) Before or After or Behind them. Nor shall they encompass Aught of his knowledge Except as He willeth. His throne doth extend Over the heavens And on earth, and He feeleth No fatigue in guarding And preserving them, For He is the Most High. The Supreme (in glory)."
[Surah al-Baqarah 2: 255].

Most of the time we do something without knowing the reason why we are doing it.
Contohnya mengamalkan ayat Kursi. 
I have been reciting it only knowing that it provides protection from the Syaitan and its cronies. Without knowing how...or why or bother to learn more about it.
But when we take a look at the meaning of each ayat, it portrays the greatness and the majestic of the Lord, and how the reciter would be protected. 
Indeed He is the all-knowing and the most powerful. 

The disabled


Every now and then, we would meet young patients who have been paraplegic for many years.
It was amazing how they managed to cope with daily activities on the wheelchair.
It was amazing how they coped with their test of disability. How they tried to be as independent as possible.
It was amazing how they are able to talk about it as lightly as possible, like it was a normal thing. Well, in a way, it is normal for them.

But for them to reach that level of contentment, I could not start imagine how many tears have they shed, how much anger and regret they have expressed, how many prayers have they said to God. And how much patience they had being a disabled person. Denials. Hate. Envy. And all the negative feelings.

Kudos to them and the supportive people who surround them. And the unsupportive ones too, for their presence would have helped in the character building of such people.

Masha Allah.

The best?

03 September 2015 0

Choices are hard.
Lagi- lagi bila ada everything to lose.

to pick the right thing...or the best thing?
and how do we know its the right one or the best one?

Istikharah...of course, only He knows best.
And also I read somewhere; when one have to make a choice between the best or the right one, pick the one which brings less complication.

I guess that made sense. Somehow.

But it did not work that way with matters of heart.

Ujian lain-lain


Just now I saw a middle aged man walked hand in hand with his syndromic daughter.

It was such a sight that I could not tear my eyes away from them.

Allah menguji hamba-hamba-Nya dengan pelbagai cara.

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