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January 2009

let me be

12 January 2009 0

Entah kenapa sejak 2 mggu lepas... hati saya menjadi tenang... i feel so at peace...

Saya takut nak berharap apa- apa, sebab saya pernah rasa perasaan ni beberapa kali, tapi it didn't last long. When I thought i was strong enough, then came the big tide and crushed me down all over again. And again i have to struggle and bangun semula. it wasn't easy, honestly... People kept saying i have to force myself to let him go... but how could i when there wasn't even 100% of me wanted it. i could not commit to that, and for now i think i could not EVER. i mean... i thought i could, seriously, i thought i could just forget about him and move on, find another jejaka and fall madly in love. ya... and see what happened when the surface clashes with the depth---> DISASTEROUS. I got irritated and angry in whatever he did, i could not bear to be close to him and constantly i'm at war inside. 

Okay, so back to the main thing.  And... it had been 2 weeks and the feeling had stayed with me. (did i get the hang of 'zen'? ngahahah). I managed to stay calm and strong inside while still loving him at the same time. And i really will make this feelings last. 

And i don't really care what people think anymore. Let them be, and let me be... If this is the way I could be at peace with myself, then just let me be..

Is this the meaning of acceptance?

If so... thank you God... thank YOU so much...alhamdulillah....

Kemalasan melanda

03 January 2009 0

For the past one week, sejak cuti krismas + tahun baru, I found myself to be deep in the realm of laziness. whatever happened to the azam tahun baru?

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